Character Over Kingdom

One of the key refrains of the weekend was "Character over Kingdom."


At the heart of that phrase is a deliberate rejection of the kind of ambition and drivenness that men can so easily get caught up in. Or, more specifically, an assertion that one would value integrity over power. And while it could apply to a wide variety of things its primary focus in this context was on work and our careers.


We have this image in American folklore of the Wunderkid, the 20-yr old millionaire. It's everything wrapped up in the "self-made man" but at a young age. It's Michael J Fox in The Secret of My Success, Tom Hanks in Big, or Mark Zuckerberg in...well, in real life. It suggests that if you're smart enough, motivated enough or just lucky enough that power and money, fame and fortune are available without the need for really 'building' anything.


It may be one of the most destructive concepts we ever encounter as men.


Stepping back just a bit from this particular thought is a broader one that my modern mind both accepts and rejects simultaneously: Life has stages. We progress from one stage of life to another throughout our years and discerning the purpose of each season is of critical importance.


On the one hand is a part of me that lets loose a deeply felt sigh of relief to even hear such an idea. It feels like such a burden lifted from my shoulders. It tells me that 'acting my age' is in fact proper. Now that might sound a little strange coming from a 40 year old. After all, I'm not 18 striving to seem older. Nor am I 60 trying to look younger with my comb-over. But there is a constant song that calls us all to be something we aren't - perhaps younger, perhaps older, but always 'other' and following that song is utterly exhausting. But on the other hand - I love that song. I don't generally want to progress through life, I want to arrive at my goal. I don't want to grow and mature and learn - I want to have my way. Working my way through the ranks, paying my dues, climbing the ladder, learning the ropes; screw all of that. I'm in a hurry.


...which leads me back to the thought at hand.

The temptation to arrange for my own kingdom, as quickly as possible and with as little work as possible, typically comes at the cost of integrity or character. At the very least, it costs me my peace and it always comes at the cost of my ability to live in the present moment - the only moment where God actually lives.


As he phrase 'character over kingdom' rolls off your tongue it feels like a no-brainer. Of course I wouldn't compromise my good name for a quick buck! At the very least I think the value of the idea is self-evident  even if we're not certain of our own moral fiber. But really the concept is much, much deeper and much, much more expensive upon close inspection.


Going back to the Wunderkid archetype. The idea contains several hand grenades. There's the notion that young success is possible and there are just enough stories in the world to make the idea seem believable - kinda like the lottery. But 'possible' quickly turns into 'should' where each year that we're still not rich starts to feel like failure which leads to desperation, resignation, or both. It also suggests that wealth and fame are the proper reward for the gifted or the lucky. If I fancy myself gifted then every year asks where my natural reward is and "what am I doing wrong?" or 'Where is God now?" If I'm not so vain to think myself gifted then I sure long for luck and I start to envy and covet those who got a lucky break while I busted my ass. As I'm young, Zuck's story seems inspirational in a 'if he can do it...' kind of way but as the 20s become 30s I will cross a tipping point somewhere and Zuck is now the image of what went wrong with me. I might blame him, or God. I might blame my wife or myself, but the Wunderkid's effect over time is to keep my eyes of of now and I spend decades wearing myself down.


Its always in weariness that we are most vulnerable and when success has seemed elusive too long I start thinking I might sacrifice a little character for the sake of the kingdom that's being kept from me. Of course, it doesn't seem that way at the time. Instead I think my situational ethics to be 'wisdom.' After all, seeing things as 'black and white' is a sign of youthful naivety. So no - its not a bribe, its a fee. Yes my assistant is a DD 22 year old former Ms. Ohio, but she's really organized and it's not like I'm sleeping her (outside my mind).


In The Masculine Journey (I think) John says something like 'anybody who actually wants to be a king doesn't know how to be a good one.' When we strive for and arrange for our own kingdom, our own power and influence, we are falling to vain ambition.


To choose character over kingdom is this: to wait.


To take Jesus' advice about the lowest seat at the table very literally and reject power until it is cast upon you*. It's a decision to forgo the striving, the ladder jumping, the short-cut-seeking to money and power that is embedded in the image of the Wunderkid. It's not in any way a rejection of gifting or the child prodigy or to diminish talent - it's not even to say anything negative about Mr. Zuckerberg. It's a reflection on the power of these stories to make us try to force something to happen in our careers and how easily that can cost us our souls.


The alternative is to wait. To live in this moment, and this moment only. Working toward excellence but not striving for it. Building with wisdom and discernment, but not giving in to ambition. Waiting for God to be a man of his word who says 'humble yourself and I'll exalt you in due time.'

"...Time is the school in which we learn, 

Time is the fire in which we burn."

(Calmly We Walk  Through This April's Day)

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* There's a dark side to this thought too - the way in which we can far too quickly give leadership and authority to anybody who shows even a hint of ability way before they're ready...but that's another topic.

The Intensive

The Intensive was a four-day men's retreat held up in the mountains outside of Colorado Springs at a camp called Bear Trap Ranch. It was led by Morgan Snyder who did the bulk of the teaching but he was backed up by several other folks from the Randomed Heart team including Bart Hansen and Craig McConnell.

On its surface the topic was the phase in a mans life roughly of his thirties. It's the phase of life typically characterized by a marriage that is past the 5-year adjustment "honeymoon" period, often with young kids and typically at the front part of what might be called a career.

It's a phase in life where most men find that life got very busy, and very challenging very fast. The challenge of balancing work with family with faith with everything else is daunting and feels overwhelming. We're drawn to make a name for ourselves, maybe make a little money and, as Morgan put it, "get something started."

More importantly, it is a phase in life that can easily be badly mismanaged and the bitter fruit is divorce, disillusionment and in time some really bad agreements about the nature of life, the heart of our brides, and worst of all the heart of God. It's when this phase goes sideways and uninterpreted that men check-out of the deep things in their lives. It's an understandable survival technique to prevent more pain and frustration but in time that only comes out as an affair, a new convertible, and that man now finds himself needing to come to Boot Camp just to find the heart that he lost in his thirties.

Morgan invited about 40 guys between late twenties and early forties to be the students or attendees or guinea pings or whatever. I was among that group. In his words, we were "world changers" which I took to mean folks who he know with fire in their belly. It was indeed an honor to be invited though I didn't really understand what was happening at first. In addition to us, he also invited 15 generally older gentlemen who he called "sages." I reckon they ranged from early 40s to maybe 70 or so. Their stories were from all walks of life: business, ministry, military, medicine, etc. I didn't talk to all of them (I tried) but honestly, the breadth of experience in that group was stunning. These men were asked to act as mentors of a kind, but in a very informal way. There was no sense of rank or anything like that, just guys with some extra miles on them and a willing ess to share what they had learned.

We walked together for four days, we learned a lot, we prayed a lot...and I have a LOT to think about.

The Arrival

To be perfectly honest, the invitation to Morgan's Intensive didn't particularly grab me when it arrived. That had nothing to do with him or any expectation, it was just a particularly busy and financially challenging season - I was distracted. That's not to say I didn't care, I told Morgan I would think and pray about it, and I really did, but looking back I just had other things on my mind and didn't engage at any deep level. On its surface that sounds both shallow...but also pretty typical for the way our over-stressed lives play out. I'm tempted to feel guilty about it, but in hindsight it may have been part of God's plan all along.

My busy, distracted life continued right up until three days before The Intensive. By that time a major deal had finally got off to a good start and I was able to catch my breath. In the weeks preceding most retreats I find God talking to me about what's coming in one way or another. I find myself being prepared or taught or challenged but in this case the only thing I had was a subtle awareness that something big was coming up slowly and from behind. It was if I was calmly kayaking with some massive glacier at my back. Its patient but inevitable motion imperceptible to me until the shadow of the calving iceberg suddenly crosses my bow. That sounds rather threatening and I don't mean to imply any sense of danger, quite the opposite in fact, but it's the best metaphor I can come up with right now.

In the 48 hours prior to camp I did have some long-missed time to decompress, get some writing done, and basically unwind which was good preparation. I smoked my pipe, I read articles in the hotel room and I caught my breath. Driving up to Bear Trap Ranch is in interesting drive. Moving southwest from Colorado Springs you drive up into a pretty fancy neighborhood, past a swanky golf course and the directions are to keep on driving. A gentle slope gives way to a steep hill and the next thing you know a hairpin turn puts you on a dirt road.

The road climbs quickly through 2000 feet of altitude with several ridges and valleys disappearing in your rear-view mirror. At last you dive down into a sharp sided valley and you're at Bear Trap Ranch - a self-contained little village in the cradle of a hidden canyon.

I parked the car and started walking down toward the main camp with a little high-altitude buzz when the first zinger of the weekend came on strong. It was something between a memory and a vision where I 'saw' Boromir getting off his horse as he arrives at the Council of Elrond. The image came out of nowhere really but hit me with significant punch and immediate meaning - somehow this weekend was more than a few dozen guys hanging out. There was gravity here, something serious. Later that night I would share a dream I had about two years ago where I was a knight riding my horse at full speed through dense woods, hell-bent for...somewhere. I was mostly alone but from time to time I could catch  a glimpse of other knights through the trees, all of us traveling in earnest. Once or twice I'd come to a small clearing and a small handful of knights would take just a few moments to greet each other, bang shields, and then take off galloping again. In the end I came to a pavilion set up in a larger clearing and maybe 50 or so knights were gathering here - and that's about how it ended. in some way that I'm still chewing on, The Intensive was a realization of that dream.

This is the first post on a blog that I hope will grow a lot over time so I want to resist the impulse to go crazy and talk about all of it even though I have so much on my mind. For this I just want to convey one thought: that in one way I totally failed to apprehend the power of this event, and yet in some other subconscious or spiritual way I've seen it coming for a long time. As poignant and new as some of the topics were, many of them came as different angles on things God was also speaking to me about for some time. I take that fact to mean that Morgan is tapping into something deeper than a really good analysis of current trends - he's tapping into something that's on the father's mind. In which case, there's much to be discerned here.

On Thursday at 3:45 I was just minding my own business, happy to be in such a beautiful place but oblivious to what was going on. By 4:00 I'd caught a glimpse of what I had been invited into and we were off and running. Unless I'm very wrong, The Intensive will turn out to be as formative, or more, than my first Boot Camp...and that's saying a lot.