At the heart of that phrase is a deliberate rejection of the kind of ambition and drivenness that men can so easily get caught up in. Or, more specifically, an assertion that one would value integrity over power. And while it could apply to a wide variety of things its primary focus in this context was on work and our careers.
We have this image in American folklore of the Wunderkid, the 20-yr old millionaire. It's everything wrapped up in the "self-made man" but at a young age. It's Michael J Fox in The Secret of My Success, Tom Hanks in Big, or Mark Zuckerberg in...well, in real life. It suggests that if you're smart enough, motivated enough or just lucky enough that power and money, fame and fortune are available without the need for really 'building' anything.It may be one of the most destructive concepts we ever encounter as men.
Stepping back just a bit from this particular thought is a broader one that my modern mind both accepts and rejects simultaneously: Life has stages. We progress from one stage of life to another throughout our years and discerning the purpose of each season is of critical importance.
On the one hand is a part of me that lets loose a deeply felt sigh of relief to even hear such an idea. It feels like such a burden lifted from my shoulders. It tells me that 'acting my age' is in fact proper. Now that might sound a little strange coming from a 40 year old. After all, I'm not 18 striving to seem older. Nor am I 60 trying to look younger with my comb-over. But there is a constant song that calls us all to be something we aren't - perhaps younger, perhaps older, but always 'other' and following that song is utterly exhausting. But on the other hand - I love that song. I don't generally want to progress through life, I want to arrive at my goal. I don't want to grow and mature and learn - I want to have my way. Working my way through the ranks, paying my dues, climbing the ladder, learning the ropes; screw all of that. I'm in a hurry.
...which leads me back to the thought at hand.
As he phrase 'character over kingdom' rolls off your tongue it feels like a no-brainer. Of course I wouldn't compromise my good name for a quick buck! At the very least I think the value of the idea is self-evident even if we're not certain of our own moral fiber. But really the concept is much, much deeper and much, much more expensive upon close inspection.
Going back to the Wunderkid archetype. The idea contains several hand grenades. There's the notion that young success is possible and there are just enough stories in the world to make the idea seem believable - kinda like the lottery. But 'possible' quickly turns into 'should' where each year that we're still not rich starts to feel like failure which leads to desperation, resignation, or both. It also suggests that wealth and fame are the proper reward for the gifted or the lucky. If I fancy myself gifted then every year asks where my natural reward is and "what am I doing wrong?" or 'Where is God now?" If I'm not so vain to think myself gifted then I sure long for luck and I start to envy and covet those who got a lucky break while I busted my ass. As I'm young, Zuck's story seems inspirational in a 'if he can do it...' kind of way but as the 20s become 30s I will cross a tipping point somewhere and Zuck is now the image of what went wrong with me. I might blame him, or God. I might blame my wife or myself, but the Wunderkid's effect over time is to keep my eyes of of now and I spend decades wearing myself down.
Its always in weariness that we are most vulnerable and when success has seemed elusive too long I start thinking I might sacrifice a little character for the sake of the kingdom that's being kept from me. Of course, it doesn't seem that way at the time. Instead I think my situational ethics to be 'wisdom.' After all, seeing things as 'black and white' is a sign of youthful naivety. So no - its not a bribe, its a fee. Yes my assistant is a DD 22 year old former Ms. Ohio, but she's really organized and it's not like I'm sleeping her (outside my mind).
In The Masculine Journey (I think) John says something like 'anybody who actually wants to be a king doesn't know how to be a good one.' When we strive for and arrange for our own kingdom, our own power and influence, we are falling to vain ambition.
To choose character over kingdom is this: to wait.
To take Jesus' advice about the lowest seat at the table very literally and reject power until it is cast upon you*. It's a decision to forgo the striving, the ladder jumping, the short-cut-seeking to money and power that is embedded in the image of the Wunderkid. It's not in any way a rejection of gifting or the child prodigy or to diminish talent - it's not even to say anything negative about Mr. Zuckerberg. It's a reflection on the power of these stories to make us try to force something to happen in our careers and how easily that can cost us our souls.
The alternative is to wait. To live in this moment, and this moment only. Working toward excellence but not striving for it. Building with wisdom and discernment, but not giving in to ambition. Waiting for God to be a man of his word who says 'humble yourself and I'll exalt you in due time.'
"...Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn."
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* There's a dark side to this thought too - the way in which we can far too quickly give leadership and authority to anybody who shows even a hint of ability way before they're ready...but that's another topic.
